


Maybe

by godrics_quill22



Series: Isaac Lahey Diaries [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Decisions, Gen, Holding On, Loss, resolutions, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 03:17:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2757536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godrics_quill22/pseuds/godrics_quill22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isaac hits a lowpoint and has a broader evaluation of his life. IsaacCentric and not really a story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> once again, this was inspired by my RP account @wittylahey_ and well, i decided to post it here. Hope you like it.

\---- I never learn. 

I guess dad was right to some extent. 

Making me pitiful, that's all on me. 

Maybe a part of me still hasn't learnt to deal with the past. Maybe my scars have very little to do with being locked in a freezer. Maybe they're skin deep and run through my marrow like it's all a part of me. Like I'm a body running on a DNA of scars and honestly, that terrifies me.

And just maybe.. Maybe it is. Too many uncertainties, very few certainties but somehow, somehow everything feels like fixing a cast on a broken bone that hadn't been set right. 

Painful and with a limp.

*always.* 

There's too many bad days... and hardly any good days. There's wanting everything good and calm and having very few of those. 

And then there's holding on for dear life, holding onto things like a little boy desperate to keep some sanity. 

Maybe deep down I am still that poor boy who wanted too much, dreamed too much and just desired too much. 

Maybe sometimes you gotta let go of the things you're used to for the things you love. Because maybe, the things you hold onto, are the things that hurt you most. 

Perhaps this pain would be bearable if only I haf learned to let go *just* a little bit. 

I grew up, yes. 

I grew taller, buffier, handsome too, if I might add so myself and I got this whole wolf business going for me. 

No fear of being put down by anyone but really? Is that *really* it? 

I think not. I think i grew up "just fine". And is that enough? Maybe deep down I'm this selfish brat who stomps his foot everytime things don't go as planned.

I think deep down, I'm still that boy I was, the first time, and the second time, and the third, and fourth and the thousandth time, when i was shoved into that freezer. 

Maybe somehow I'm still wondering why I'm where I am. Why I seem to have no say when it comes to what I do, or where I am, or what I feel. 

Why everything that feels good eventually hurts. 

Father's touch was once the best touch, but it turned sour. 

Mother's smile... I don't even remember it. Just the feeling of warmth it brought. 

And Camden... Well that's not even going to be thought about. 

But the most important thought that runs through my head is *how?* 

how did it get this way? 

How is it still like this? 

How can I allow myself to be okay with this but most importantly, How do I get out of this dark place?

I think I'm going to try something I never did by letting go of what I always do because eventually, I always, *always* resign myself to my fate but this is not a freezer. 

This is the world. 

There's nobody out there who retains that right over me and I wanna keep it that way. 

I need to get out of my mental shackles and my emotional wounds need to heal before i can clear up all my doubts because maybe... 

Just maybe, there's one thing in all my clutter that's worth holding onto.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry. I do not have it in me to write happy stuff. Too angsty but i hope you like it.


End file.
